he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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