Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
