I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
