White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
