Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
jump out the window naked night went bad
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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