I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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