just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
