i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
