??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need water and some morals
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
