i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
