You can't special order awesome
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
