I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
