first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
