First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
