Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This baby is an asshole
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
