Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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