Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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