Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
