my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
