she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
