I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
