i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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