I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
