some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize