i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
