just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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