I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
