If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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