Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
