no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
