she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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