I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you traded sex for a burrito?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
