I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
