oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
