I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
