Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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