I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
