Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
