3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
