I can text with my tongue
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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