she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
