Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize