I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
