So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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