I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
