my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
