I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
