You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
