I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
