the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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