To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
