There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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