what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
