I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
