You're my little dorito
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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