Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
