after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
40s are totally the cure
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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