Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize
