dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
