Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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