Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
