At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
