as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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