On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
