Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
