Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how can u be prego again
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize