FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
