I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
