Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
