No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
