i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it glows. i had to have it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
