I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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