I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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