I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
