just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
