He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
