FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
