oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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