Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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