I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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