Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
