but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
