You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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