I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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