she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize